Some sense of humor

Buddhist's Sense of Humor

• Buddhahood
  The Buddha was not really a god.
  In fact, he thought it quite odd
  That we go all around
  Worshipping mounds
  More mindless than peas in a pod! (-- Ethan A Mills)
  

• Buddhism
  "When I first started reading about Buddhism, I said this emptyness is really heavy!" (-- Rev Ryunyo King)
  

• Compassion at odd
  Suezen's story: "I was vegetarian for about 5 years. I was invited to my mother's house for thanksgiving dinner, and my mother was very upset that I would not eat the turkey which she had spent hours preparing for her family.
  In the end, I felt more compassion for my mother than for the turkey, and I ate the turkey." (Contributed by Sue Franklin)
  

• Dealing with Neurotics
  "How do you deal with neurotics?" asked the psychiatrist.
  "I get them to the point where they can't ask anymore questions", asnwered the Zen Master (Contributed by Barry Erdman).
  

• Detachement
  This morning, I received one of those rude mails. The person wrote me this one-line mail:
  "budda is dead you moron move on with your life"
  And I replied:
  You are alive, friend, move on with Buddha's death. (-- Tan Chade Meng)
  

• Flapping Flags
  Four monks were meditating in a monastery. The first three monks noticed the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.
  - The first monk, young and inexperienced, said, "The flag is flapping."
  - The second monk, seems more experienced, answered, "The Wind is flapping."
  - The third monk, who had been there for quite sometimes, replied, "The Mind is flapping."
  - The fourth, also the eldest monk, visibly annoyed, interupted, "The Mouths are flapping!" (Anonymous)
  

• Happiness
  "Blessed is he who finds happiness in his own foolishness. For he will always be happy."(-- Chade Meng)
  

• Hell
  "Hell was OK, until some wise guy went to heaven and came back" (-- Buddhadasa Bhikkhu)
  

• Karma vs. Dogma
  A monk was driving in India. Suddenly a dog crossed the road, got hit and killed by the monk's car. The monk looked around and saw the temple, and went knock on the door. Another monk opened the door.
  The first monk said, "I'm terribly sorry, but my karma ran over your dogma." (Contributed by Nebuchadnezzar)
  

• Knowing The Universe
  "I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." (-- Woody Allen)
  

• Meditation 101
  "Don't just do something ... Sit there!" (Marge's humorous comment on Meditation)
  

• Middle Path
  Two Buddhist monks who had quite a bit of the drinks, started to get drunk. One would have to walk home quite some distance.
  'Will you be all right to walk home?', asked the first monk.
  In which the second monk replied, 'Of course, I will take the Middle Path." (Contributed by Thomas Roberts)
  

• Mind Bottleneck
  "All Chinese [Buddhists] are vegetarians, but most of them prefer to flavor their vegetables with beef, or pork, or duck, or chicken." - Lin Yu Tang. (Contributed by Allan Adasiak)
  

• Paratrooper
  The paratrooper is taking a jumping class. He was scare to jump. The instructor advised him, "If anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha' and you will be saved."
  The paratrooper did get so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. Remembering what he was advised, the paratrooper immediately prayed, "Buddha oh Buddha," A hand came out and saved him.
  In a relief he said, "Thanks God," and he was dropped. (Contributed by David Mather)
  

• Zen 101
  A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you." So I didn't. (-- Anonymous)
  

• Zen Flesh Zen Bone
  "I'd like to
  Offer something
  To help you
  But in the Zen School
  We don't have a single thing!" (-- Zen Master Ikkyu)
  

• Zen's Words (to the Buddha)
  
  A Meal of Fresh Octopus
  Lots of arms, just like Kannon the Goddess;
  Sacrificed for me, garnished with citron, I revere it so!
  The taste of the sea, just divine!
  Sorry, Buddha, this is another precept I just cannot keep. (-- Zen Master Ikkyu)
  

Christian's Sense of Humor

• God is watching
  The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching."
  Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." (-- Anonymous)
  

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